Heart Forgiveness
All of us have been in hurtful relationships and situations where we have needed to forgive. We know we need to forgive and may have said the words, but still in our hearts there is resentment and pain. We may have forgiven with our will and our head, but not from our heart as Matthew 18 encourages us to do.
I’ve known it myself and heard it from many others, “I know I need to forgive, but I just can’t. I’ve said the words, but I am still resentful and hurt.”
At our Transformation Weekend 3, Lee-Anne Devries taught on heart forgiveness; one of the most significant teachings on forgiveness that I have ever heard.
Lee-Anne stated, “The person who hurt you is not the one who is going to care for your heart. God is. We think they should feel it - how they hurt me – before I forgive them. But they won’t. They don’t get it. Jesus said, ‘Father forgive them for they know not what they do.’ They don’t know what they are doing. They just don’t get it.”
We often hang on to unforgiveness, thinking if I forgive, then they won’t know I am hurt and I won’t receive comfort. It is our heart crying out for comfort that often does not enable us to forgive. Our heart says hang on to the hurt in order to get comfort, but we are pointing our expectations in the wrong direction. We need to not look to the one who hurt us, but to the Holy Spirit.
We need to get in touch with that pain for our hearts to be comforted. Who are the ones the scriptures say will be comforted? Those who mourn. When we get in touch with our pain, identify it, and give it to God, that is mourning. That is when we can receive comfort. Without mourning, comfort is difficult.
When Lee-Anne led us in a time of forgiving others, she had a 5 step process:
Identify the one who hurt you and think back to a specific incident.
Identify and verbalize the emotions that you felt at the time. (This is mourning.)
Give that emotion to God; ask Him to comfort and care for your heart.
Receive His comfort. Lee-Anne, “Allow the Holy Spirit to do His primary role: to comfort. He’s called the Comforter!”
Choose to forgive.
We may need to repeat this process often, but with our heart cared for and comforted by the Holy Spirit, it will be easier to forgive from the heart. And we will find our hearts are transformed with love, grace and mercy instead of bitterness, resentment and hurt.